I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
