Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
