he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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