I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
