half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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