yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
