All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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