It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize