can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
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Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
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The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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