You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
