I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
