I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Randomize
