bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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