I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
