i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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