I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
