I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
