I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
