I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
