I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
