Already got asked if we're dating
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
