Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
