some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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