My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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