Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
