this beer tastes like vomit already
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
