the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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