hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
