HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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