You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
