is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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