it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
