I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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