After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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