It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
