I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
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