Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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