Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
