Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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