I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
