the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
