i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
