i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
