she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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