i think my tv is drunk
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
