he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
