me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
