There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
