Christians are straight up FREAKS
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
