fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
