you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
