Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
