Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
