I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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