JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
