last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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