Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
