I just pynch a tree in the face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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