you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
