Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
