I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
