Plan B is the new Plan A
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I don't think brook has ever known best
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
