mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
