I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
