Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
