yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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