When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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