It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
