$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
