Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
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And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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