How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
