I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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