If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
